Paraghraph Recount

Good Recount: After maybe a half an hour the path became very difficult to climb. The path became extremely steep. The path’s surface changed. It changed from tightly packed stones to loose gravel. We started using large steps to try and move forward more, but each time we took a step, we would slipped back down. We had lost sight of other people climbing, but when we did spot people they seemed to be walking alongside us but at a different elevation. We kept on walking with and it was hard to climb. We even used our hands to hold onto the gravel. After a while we came to an intersection with a large sign showing different paths around and up Mt Fuji.  I could read Japanese whereas the others couldn’t, so I tried to figure out where to go. Instead I ended up finding out that we had climbed up the service road! This road was used for bulldozers, diggers and other heavy machinery that could travel on difficult roads. We all agreed we were stupid.

Bad Recount: After maybe a half an hour. And then the path became very difficult to climb. The path became extremely steep. The path’s surface changed. It changed from tightly packed stones to loose gravel. We started using large steps to try and move forward, but each time we took a step, we slipped back down. We had lost sight of other people climbing, but when we did spot people they seemed to be walking alongside us but at a different elevation. We kept on with the hard climbing. We even used our hands to hold onto the gravel. After a while we came to an intersection with a large sign showing different paths around and up Mt Fuji.  I could read Japanese whereas the others couldn’t, so I tried to figure out where to go. Instead I ended up finding out that we had climbed up the service road! This road was used for bulldozers, diggers and other heavy machinery that could travel on difficult roads. We all agreed we were stupid.

LI: To correct certain structure and language features in a recount.
This week for writing we had to rewrite a messed up recount. We had to pick out all the mistakes we could find and then change them to what we thought were correct. We had a little chat with Mr Wong to understand what we were aimng to do. My group had to focus on sentnce and structre. That meant we had to fix up the sentences and structres that did not make sense.